Saturday, 30 July 2011

Sympathy For The Pathetic....

I dont feel well...
I hate feeling ill too, I haven't got time for it.... 

Sad Face

I have not felt well for days, it started with a stiff neck and sore eyes and then just feeling really sick.. and today, I feel like I am getting the flu, although I am sure I am just being dramatic.
The thought of coffee makes me sick, and I don't even feel like a vodka.. things must be serious...

.... not even the prospect of my new winter boots could cheer me up... Although I am sure they will, once I start to feel like my self again.

My best friend 

I am soldiering on though, like a good mum.   I have been on taxi duty today and have completed lots of baking.  We are off to a family BBQ, I am so looking forward to it too, as this is a family that we have not spent time with for ages, yet we used to be very close, even holiday together.  It is one of those rare relationships, were the men get along too and the kids are of similar ages. 

Good friends are important, I will be there, whatever and besides there is no party without a cake....

Mrs "J"'s famous chocolate cake
Recipe family secret ...sorry 

Oops and the outtakes .... 

Thursday, 28 July 2011

A Glimpse Of My Week...Through Instagram

Watching Harry Potter..In the Royal Cinema 
Will and Kate were there this week, watching" Bridesmaids"

Denbigh Castle

My babies eye

My baby .. again, as always at my feet

My other baby... earning some pocket money

The view from my seat

The Visitor to my boudoir
..and its not Eric( True Blood) 

Birthday Lilies

Vodka time 

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

More Events From The Wildlife Camera

Guinea Fowl
"Mother you have over done the rouge"

As you enjoyed yesterday's post so much .. I thought I would share this little incident with you...
You see the fucking camera see's everything..
I thought it had been moved .. yes an inch to the right.. 
Anyhow, we were expecting the arrival of some new Guinea Fowl, that the Director had gone to fetch, and which I think look like old ladies with too much make up on.  I was helping my son prepare the pen and fill the water, and disaster struck, I remember thinking, thank god that the camera has been moved, as I behaved like a big baby.  I will now let the photos show you what happened next....

My 13 year old carrying heavy water.. I go to help
( after I put my phone away)

The actual incident happened out of view..
but I am now screaming...loudly
My finger had been trapped in the water holder

"What the fuck mum..?"

Big hug...ahhhh

Still crying...
I am wearing Rick Owens jeans with old favourite T-shirt
Scarf Abercrombie, boots R-Soles .. again.. 

...and still moaning... woos

An hour and a half later..... 

Large Vodka and sanity returned surveying new birds..

The new flock.. along with deadly water contraption

The Director.. who knew all is being filmed..

Guilty ...

I wonder what will we will catch next.. I hope its some real wildlife.

Monday, 25 July 2011

Smile..The Awkward Moment When You Are Caught On Camera

Totally oblivious to the camouflaged lens

My husband has a new toy, its a wildlife camera.  He is interested in viewing, which forms of vermin visit us at night, whilst we sleep and during the day, when we are not watching.  

I took about as much interest in it, as I would an invite to any soap opera.. zero.
That was until we took the microchip out of the camera, I had no idea where he had placed this camera.  It was one of those conversations, when one speaks and the other pretends to listen.. 
We have a lot of those when it comes to guns, and vermin... 
It appears that the only vermin he has managed to capture is the Wildernesschic ..

It did make me laugh though and as I am a huge fan of fashion blogs, especially the ones, where people share their own style and how they have put outfits together, I thought here was an opportunity, far to good to miss.  A chance to share with you a few genuine days of my life and my wardrobe, warts an all .. so to speak 

Feeding my little French Hens

Shirt cream silk dinner shirt DKNY 
Scarf Allsaints
Jeans Seven for all mankind
Boots R-Soles 

Strange random wildman... 
putting hens to bed

Wildnernesschic ..
Straight out of bed.. texting by the look of it...
 waterproof ski jacket, track pants & wellies 

Yup defo texting 
........note legs in concentration position

Belt silver and turquoise Mexican Concho... 
Boots R-Soles 

Jeans wax coated JBrand Agness in Mocha
T shirt Allsaints skull print.. 

Wildnernesschic carrying the damn dog ..
as going out for dinner and she would not come in

Jeans as earlier...T shirt Allsaints.. 
Scarf Jimmy Choo tiger print

Caught putting hens to bed... 
same clothes

No, its not Katie Price .. 
Its me in me Juicy's and Wellies
Chanel sunglasses .. always glamour 
even before breakfast

Wildernesschic's builders arse...
Notice the black lab in the background
watching on, whilst she has a poop

Wildernesschic feeding hens .. again.. 
Hat Models own..giggle.. mens 

JBrand black skinnies.. 
Red and black distressed Tshirt America Retro
Boots Vintage R-Soles

Yup you dumb shumuck you are on Candid Camera.. 
Next time, strike a pose babe!

Sunday, 24 July 2011

The Cool Side Of The Pillow...A Short story

Two weeks have passed. 
It is just another one of those slow days, all is heavy, my head, my body, even the air that I am breathing, feels thick and hot.  
Sun shines between the tiniest gap in the heavy curtains, illuminating the dust particles, which spin slowly, float silently and then fall ever so gently to the floor. 
Dust to dust.
It's the kind of day in which normal people are rejoicing, tweeting upon devices. "The sun is shining and all is well with the world," it never fails to delight and unite the nation.  Wonderful, just how happy the sun makes people feel.  It warms our bones and refills the energy cells.  People smile and are pleasant to each other, they perform random acts of kindness and wear their prettiest clothes. 
Here though, here inside, peeping behind the brocade, lying in the dark, the act of moving ones body out of this bed, to take part in the mass worship of this beautiful day, was just impossible.  Even the effort of lifting the head, to see this spectacular blue sky, the creator of this great enthusiasm and happiness for others, was exhausting and disappointing.  There was no desire to move from this place, not even a stirring, I turn the pillow over, and lay down my head.  This is the sweetest sensation, its coolness almost soothes the numbness of my inner pain.  This cooling comfort is bitter sweet, as I stretch out across the cold cotton sheets, across to your place.  That place, the place you have lain for more years than you have not.  The coolness emphasises its emptiness, loneliness seeps through. It reconfirms my nightmare, it is indeed a fact.  You are no longer here, you have gone and this time, will not be coming back.
It's dawn and I am sitting in the kitchen nursing a coffee, something I seem to be making a habit of.  At this time of day the world seems eerily silent, yet so beautiful, the sun has risen and for the first time in so long, I feel the urge to greet it. The door bolted, heavy and unyielding, like a tall jailor, yet surprisingly is easy to release.  I remove the chain, open the door and take the first steps out of this gilded cage.  This will be the first time I have smelt fresh air, since you left. 
There is nothing quite as lovely as the world at dawn, I remove my slippers and walk out onto dew soaked grass, it must have been a cold night the frosty petals surrounding me are glittering, the morning light holds a gentle magnificence.  The air smells sweet and the chorus has begun, how different life can feel when out doors.  My feet and ankles begin to feel cold from the damp grass, but I welcome this sensation, feelings are new to me, I am existing in a world of numbness.  Symmetry, once always so important to me, the perfect square of green lawn, with mirrored boarders running along each edge, all lay ahead, although overgrown and in need of attention.  Weeds do not grow where you want them to. For the first time, this did not worry me, there were no desperate feelings of anxiety to put it right, my inner voice was telling me to "Let it be, just let everything go."
I begin to walk across the lawn towards our, my sheltered area.  It's a tiny corner, secluded by a large conifer hedge, this is the place where we would sit and drink on a sunny evening.  All major decisions seem to have been made here, long discussions late into the evening, it's a place that never seemed to get cold.  Today though, just walking towards it, I begin to shake, bile has risen to my throat, I feel dizzy and I cannot take another step.  Lack of food, cold air, whatever, I was not going to sit there today.  I was going back, back to my self imposed prison.  My haven, everywhere is spotless, there is nothing amiss, no stains or spills, not a cup out of place, nor a grain of salt to wipe away. The overflowing piles of junk mail mixed with bills and bank statements have disappeared, there are no empty boxes, or dead batteries. There are no nails that needed to be saved for another day, there are no random shoes, nor half full glasses of wine left overnight.  No, all traces of disorder have vanished. Just like you.
Fifteen days, the sad memorable face of Sinead O'Connor, singing her heart out, is haunting my thoughts. It is a song, that in the past bored me.  I remember being startled by the gorgeous face and huge sad eyes, of this Irish beauty lamenting her lost love, yet the song itself left me cold.  The words were then irrelevant to me and the tune dull.  Yet today it had taken on a new meaning "Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want...." Such wonderful lyrics.
Two weeks previously.   
I scanned my home with a warm feeling of contentment, it was looking beautiful, sharing our home and entertaining gave me great joy.  I had spent the day preparing, plumping up cushions, polishing surfaces and lighting scented candles.  Together we had strewn fairy lights through the hedge and around the sheltered area in which we dug a fire pit, as the evenings were yet still cold.  We stood back and admired the light, it was magical, like hundreds of baby stars twinkling and together with the glow of the fire, heavenly. I was so exited about tonight, it was my first attempt at matchmaking. 
"Stop interfering, If people want to have a relationship, they will find their own partners."  
You had moaned to me.. 
Yet, I knew just how lonely my friends were.  John a recently divorced male friend and Jane a widow, both were extremely good fun, attractive and fed up of spending every weekend alone.  Although, things did not go quite according to plan.
They began to go wrong at exactly 8:05pm when John phoned to say that he was sorry but he was running extremely late and it was very possible, he may not make it at all, so not to wait for him.  John, a country vet, was unfortunately on call that weekend, there was nothing he could do.  I was so disappointed, I had desperately wanted them to meet and Jane was already here.  Although, she seemed to take it well, in fact she appeared almost relieved, even though I hated to admit it, I considered that maybe you were right, maybe she didn't want to meet anybody else just yet.  She decided to drink after all and asked me if it would be ok if she stayed the night, something she often did when we went out together.
You opened the champagne and walked her into the garden, to show her the fairy lights, whilst I went to prepare the spare room, it was then through the bathroom window I saw you in the dark, together. I hadn't bothered to put the light on, I was only reaching in to grab a hand towel, but something distracted me.  I had just glanced out for a second, it was one of those moments when you need to look twice, not quite believing the messages your eyes were transmitting to the brain.  A cold fist reached in through my breastbone and squeezed my heart tight.  Jane had lifted her hand and was running it through your hair, she stroked your hair.  I thought that was an odd thing for her to do, next, she threw back her head and laughed, teeth flashed, white and even, hair shinning in the moonlight, glossy and black, it fell down to the centre of her back in waves, she was wearing her red silk wrap dress. I was with her when she bought it.I remember remarking at the time.
 "Such a sexy dress.."
You bent down kissing her softly on her lips and then along her neck, your hands now on her hips.  In that way, in the way you hold me, thumbs upon my hip bones, fingers resting on the buttocks.  She began to kiss you back, passionately, her breasts pressing against you. Her dress falling open, exposing her long, tanned limbs, adorned in matching silk underwear, she always wore silk underwear. 
My best friend. 
Your hand, your hand moved slowly upwards, tenderly caressing her thigh, taught and muscular, she had great legs. 
My best friend.
I watched as you stroked the soft, silky fabric of her pants, your long fingers teasing and tantalizing her, back and forth, so gently you were stroking her. I knew this because, I know your touch so well, she lifted her leg and wrapped it around you. Then pushing aside the flimsy fabric you slipped your fingers underneath and inside. 
Inside, my best friend..
I fell silent inside, not daring to breathe, frozen, I could do nothing only stare in disbelief. I know now that I was in shock, I felt so calm, too calm.  I knew that I should run out there, scream at you and make you stop, but, I didn't.  I just stood there, wide eyed, in a form of masochistic trance my emotions somewhere between arousal.and repulsion.  Her was head thrown back, eyes closed, lips parted and moist, her back had arched, throwing her hips forward, crushing her body into yours.  Your fingers were still inside her and your head now between her breasts.  Sucking, kissing licking, breathing her in, her essence, her softness.  She had never looked so beautiful, you were devouring her and she was loving it! 
My best friend.
It was at that moment, that I knew, exactly, what I was going to do.  A calmness like no other, crept slowly through my body, making me so sure, convinced, full of self assurance, more than I have ever experienced before.  Considering my heart was pumping with such ferocity that it rocked my body to the core, I was totally in control, I knew exactly what I was doing.  It must have been the ice flowing through my veins, cooling me, steadying my hands.
Beautifully carved silver, Spanish in style, with such a fabulously polished, walnut stock, an over and under, so easy to use, you just point and shoot.  I am talking about your Beretta shotgun left abandoned, stood beside the cupboard in the hall, right next to where I stood.  So many times I have asked you to lock it away, but like everything else .."Yea, later."  Twelve steps it took me to walk outside, locked and loaded, armed with my twelve bore.  Just carrying it, filled me with the sensation of immense power, for once I was totally in control.
I actually had only intended to fire a warning shot, I wanted to scare you, to make you stop.  I wanted you to drop her, to leave her be.  Part of me also wanted to walk outside, to find that you were already finished with her.  Just so that I could pretend, nothing had happened and everything could return to normal. Sadly it did not happen like that. You were still fucking her with your fingers.  She, my best friend, was still moaning in ecstasy and continuing to encourage you, it was just too much, I fired.
The blast virtually removed her beautiful face, and not in a metaphoric way.  It certainly tore that fabulous hair from her head, her scalp was now hanging ghoulishly, dangling toward her feet, the fountain of blood blending into the red silk.  Just one cartridge and her head had virtually left her body, her blood was everywhere, chunks of skull, flesh and brain.  Once again, even in death she was all over you. 
My best friend. 
It was only seconds, yet I saw you shocked, dumbstruck, eyes filled with fear, silently pleading to me, as I lifted the barrel and took my aim.  I was a good shot and you knew it, you had seen to that teaching me to shoot targets and clays. "It was something we could do together, a mutual hobby."  I fired the second cartridge, point and shoot, I aimed for the heart and tore you apart. 
Just like you had me.
Guts spilled out upon my neatly manicured lawn, my carefully planted white garden that glowed in the evening light, now splattered with red.  Even in the dark I could see the pure white rhododendron was now marbled, the carefully strewn fairy lights were glowing pink and there was a dark stain spreading across the lawn. It was like a scene from the worst horror movie, only there was no point in hiding, as the bad guy, was me. 
At this point, I think the brain switched off, you know the non psychotic brain, the place in your mind that this carnage would normally totally freak you out.  I just stood there surveying you both totally detached from the situation.  I noticed that Jane had perfectly manicured nails, she had obviously planned her outfit well as the red was the same colour exactly as the silk, yet the silk was now much darker.  You looked pathetic, broken and twisted up, covered in blood and insides of both of you covering your shirt.  You still had a beautiful face though, I was glad that I didn't shoot you in the face, unlike Jane, who was really a mess. I bent down and picked up the spent cartridge, I loved the smell of cordite, it conjured up memories of frosty mornings, when your breath was visible and the cold air made your nose tingle.  The frosty grass that crunched under feet and trees that looked like flames with warm, wet, panting spaniels at my feet. 
Happier times.
I have seen so many episodes of CSI and Dexter to know that I would never get away with this, that soon someone will miss you and come looking for you or Jane, but, I had now, I had the time until they do.  I dragged you first as you were the heaviest and dropped your corpse into the fire pit face up.  After dragging you, Jane was a breeze, the only problem I had was her hair and scalp, well most of her head came away and I had to place that into the fire pit separately.  I laid Jane on top of you in a kind of peace offering, you would be together in death.  I knew where to find your petrol cans, left strewn as always behind the hedge.  I grabbed one and poured on the entire contents, over you both, the fire pit was still smouldering but I wanted a more dramatic finale, so I lit a match and dropped it in.
Strolling over to the small bistro table, where earlier that evening we had intended to have our pre dinner drinks.  I picked up your glass of champagne, which was still cold and sat down.  I could feel the heat, as you exploded into flames, and watched as your face blistered, then turned black as you melted into one another and I toasted you.
Ashes to ashes..Dust to dust.

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Fabulous French Fashion 70% Off "Vionnet" At The Outnet

Goodness I am just loving this label that has just arrived at The Outnet... 

I had not heard of it before .. God I am so mainstream
If you are going somewhere wonderful and want to get something a little different, take a look at this Parisian label  Vionnet...
These are my favourites from what is on offer at the moment there is 70% off 

I would just like to say I do not make any money from recommendations, this is just something I have seen and want to share.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Staying Young The Spiritual Way

A Spiritual anti ageing tip for Sunday..

Sex keeps you young 
.....and just incase you need any inspiration....

The lovely Colin Farrell 

It may not be possible to reverse the ageing process, but you can certainly have fun trying