Life the universe and all that's in it

Merry Christmas Cyber Buddies

2011-12-22T01:28:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know that I am still alive ..

I won't apologize for not posting or reading .. as I have so many times before. I feel that sometimes Blogging is something we need to just dip in and out of and enjoy. I do have many things to share with you, including a new puppy. I expect in the New Year that I will find the time to post and will look forward to catching up on your stories too. I thought for the moment you may like to see this little video that I made of our recent trip to New York City, that trip in itself could inspire a comedy film, the only thing missing was Chevy Chase...I somehow left my brain in Wales.. but we will save that for a another day....

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas break, be it with your families or just contemplating what a beautiful world that we live in .. and how lucky we are to be free. I have no idea what it must be like to be homeless or live in a war torn nation and hope that I never do.. but this Christmas I will be thankful for that, enjoy my family and friends company.. as really that is what it is all supposed to be about..

Much Cyber love Wildernesschic xx

Remember You Are Sexy

2011-09-11T01:34:00.000-07:00

Sexy time...
Do you ever forget that you are sexy?

Fishnet holdups by Charnos

Shoes by Gucci

I know I do.. when the children are home for the summer and everyone wants your attention, there is very little time left for you, you can begin to feel taken for granted and invisible. I remember long ago an older friend telling me, that the worst part about getting older, is that fact you begin to disappear, you feel invisible. The fear of passing a building site is no longer and issue, as the dreaded wolf whistle does not happen, you become another nondescript face in a sea of blank middle aged people.

Silk corset and panties Myla

Being invisible has its advantages, there is no need to make such and effort, you can just give in to it and let life sweep you through accepting the fact that you are "of a certain age"and no longer sexually pursued.
Personally I think that would kill me.
I am a happily married woman, but I need to think that I am still sexually attractive, I love to be flirted with, I love to flirt, it is my nature. I always make the effort daily it is now second nature for me. How do I expect my husband to want to make love to me if nobody else would?

I love to be sexy for him, we have been together for over twenty years, I still love to dress up for him for a date. I have a pedicure, wear sexy underwear and high heels, as I know this is what he loves
As sexist as it is.... I like being a play thing
Most of the time I am a carer, cleaner. cook, taxi driver, whipping boy and anything else but.
We are all sexual beings hence sexy, you just have to remind yourself of this fact, using whatever tools that help you feel this way. For me it was the purchase of new underwear. I received my weekly email from The Outnet, a sale of Myla and La Perla, silk, sexy underwear for about the same price as Marks and Spencer. So I bought a couple of things, it didn't break the bank and just trying them on my 'Mojo" returned, or as a dear friend puts it "I felt Cluckier " ..
I felt like Madonna.

I defy anyone to put on a corset and not feel sexy...

My Week in Pictures through Instagram..Back to School

2011-09-09T03:25:00.000-07:00

My Peacocks

It is so long since I had time to sit down and write, today is without exception. Therefore I am glad that I started this week in pictures series, as at least it keeps the routine of posting, even if it is only once a week. I sometimes think there will be nothing to post .. How ridiculous is that thought .. giggle.

Life is never dull here.

The first photo is of my rather regal peacocks, who we released from their eight week stay in the pen, getting accustomed to their new home, our garden. We let them out Friday evening, whilst we were cooking on the BBQ ... and they have not been seen since....

Salmon and a Sea Trout

Caught by the boys Friday afternoon...

on the BBQ Friday evening

Annie's Tea Rooms Ruthin

The football season has started and one of my favourite pastimes, apart from standing on the touchline cheering them on is... Breakfast at Annie's. .. It beats Tiffany's any day, freshly cooked free range eggs, local sausages and bacon, with mushrooms, beans, tomatoes and toast, made with homemade bread and a pot of coffee... Mmmmm. She also bakes the most amazing cakes and wonderful lunches..

Ruthin FC U14's

My boy is centre ..the tall blonde one

Murphy The Mascot...

A tiny sweet natured little dog,
ten years old, with only one kidney

Three Generations of the Johnston family

Harry my eldest boy turned sixteen this week, on Sunday we used this occasion as an excuse for a mini family gathering. I say mini as my husband has four sisters. This time we went out with the twins, their partners, my niece and my mother in law, who is like a silver haired Joan Collins and tres glam.

Great fun, family gatherings always are.

My Old Favourite Dolce and Gabanna Jacket..

#whatIwore...

Me and my babes.....

First day back at school

The boys returned to school, after ten weeks holiday... yup I am officially a saint. Armed with a bleach spray, large bin bags and a some pro plus pills... I launched an attack on their bedrooms... Every crevice and corner was cleaned and organised. .. I then started on my husbands clutter... Ten hours later upstairs had become an oasis of calm.....

My Haven

The very next day the Chimney Sweep arrived, a rather arrogant dirty little man, who ripped out my fire and destroyed my Aga.. I hate him..I have been without a cooker all week, we are still waiting for new parts...

This is the mess he left me in, my poor Aga

Woodland and river in the village are stunning

So... I took a deep breath put on my wellies and walked the dogs to the village, also on a mission to find my Peacocks ...

I found them in the hedge opposite the house.. and fed them.

The old church St James's, Nantglyn..

For my birthday this summer, my husband bought me a gorgeous Roberto Cavalli biker jacket. It duels as a lethal weapon, you cannot see the detail here but the studs are heavy and pointed, they are fabulous.. but... if you fling the jacket on without care, the collar can flip back and hit you on the temple..

Causing great pain and almost knocking you unconscious.. I know as this is what happened to me this morning..

See I am holding the chair for balance.

What I wore ....#shouldcarryhealthwarning

Darren reading the menu..

wearing my London Retro Specs..

We went to Ty Gwyn Inn, Betwys Y Coed, a sixteenth Century Inn, lunch was amazing. In there was a group of American tourists, from California. They loved the place they appeared rather strange though as were all wearing numbers... I thought they had escaped from Port Merion.. "The Prisoner" but apparently that is what the tour guide had done to them ....."I am not a number"....

My Damson harvest is amazing this year

Finally, this morning the peacocks returned for breakfast so I am hoping that now they have found their way home, they will stay.

This morning, I am emotionally torn tomorrow my husband is leaving for a stag weekend..

This is worrying, as we all know that he is a slight alcoholic and its certainly not safe, even in his own environment and when drunk in strange places he tends to sleep walk.. I wish I had a hidden camera for that...

I have an overwhelming desire to party.. but, I have to remind myself that I am a single parent this weekend..

So I intend to enjoy the company of my boys

Maybe indulge in a couple of these....

......and enjoy lots of cuddles xx

My Week In Pictures Through Instagram..August Bank Holiday

2011-08-30T03:54:00.000-07:00

Youngest son caught his first Salmon

on the river Clwyd

We went to watch United V Spurs

I was sat very close to Ryan Giggs

....and Berbatov.. my heroes

One of my hens has started to lay "double yolkers"

Ruthin Town's first match of the season.

A friendly against a visiting Canadian team,

from Edmonton, Alberta

Back to school shopping..

This was exhausting

After shopping.......big chill time needed

in the form of an aromatherapy session

Geese at a neighbours farm, on such a beautiful day

Ten year old shoes, still cool...

I had a huge clear out, ready for winter

Dinner with Miss Mayfair and Boyfriend...

Yummy, so lovely to be cooked for

Roses, a gift from a lovely friend

We entertained the Jones family..

The Girls

The boys...

The bigger boys....

More chill time....

Next day, mega hangover

Surrounded and cuddled by.....

My babies xx

Me ...dazed by all the activity

I hope to get back to writing and reading more soon...

Wordless Wednesday... Alain Delon

2011-08-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have not been posting or commenting, quite as often as I would like...The last weeks of the holidays somehow are always the most hectic, but today I will leave you with some delightful eye candy.

He even makes smoking look sexy......

Definitely a case of Je ne sais quoi

Scarily, he has a look of Charlie Sheen here...

Love is..... my old favourite Alain Delon

My Week Through Instagram .. A Week In Fashion And Friends

2011-08-18T03:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of hours of "me time" I enjoyed

a very sparkly, lush manicure and pedicure

From my lovely friend Sam

New specs, Soho Frames in light tortoise from

London-Retro Glasses from Glasses Direct

I am so impressed with the company, I ordered another pair, as my reading prescription is slightly too strong for cutting hair and computer work. They were so helpful, glasses ordered with prescription and delivered within two days, both times. Like Specsavers, they also have a "buy a pair get a pair free offer" and are a very similar price. So I am delighted, I have four pairs, in three different styles...

My husband thinks I looks a geek... ...I think they must be cool then.

Uber Trendy Jules

My uber trendy friend liked them so much, she kept pinching them..

and she doesn't need them, so they are definitely cool

Jules is wearing Camden frames in dark tortoise.

Soho frames again, now in dark tortoise

I also bought Carnaby frames in red

The Six inch Heel Jimmy Choo's

Friday, we went to my cousins wedding, it was wonderful. So many family members that I have not seen for years. So many wonderful cousins I knew only in "Cyberland"

I do hope we were not too much for them, I know that the hotel ran out of vodka!...I was so ill too.

The previous two days I had been suffering with migraine and had not eaten solid food .. Plus I was far too exited on the evening to eat.

All I will say is the shoes were off and the lap dancer was out of the box.....

The before photo...

I am wearing a silver silk tunic from Donna Karan SS11 with
silver, crazy patterned, silk leggings from Aminaka Wilmot and the six inch Jimmy Choo's. My man is looking very smart in a Italian collection grey, slimcut suit from M&S....
So nice to have Hubble Gardiner back, I was most concerned, that he was slowly turning into Onzlo.. giggle

Fall Is Coming

I am getting in the mood for Autumn. The September issue's are out and the Ivy turning red. This mood always happens in August, but I enjoy it as this is my favourite time of year.

The lucky purchase of my 1960's bag

I Adore My Vintage "Gucci" from Smashingbird

Lunch date

I met my friend who was home from Dubai for lunch in Chester

I am wearing my favourite Alexander McQueen SS09 dress

I love this dress, if I ever need a boost.. this does the trick

Chester

Where I met at my friend on our first day of work at Browns of Chester. I was working for Clarins and she was with Charles of the Ritz....Over twenty years ago now .. Scary

Early evening drinks with my friends..

In contrast to the wedding, I did not drink but drove. Driving home felt great, I could remember all the conversations and this morning I have no cringe worthy moments... I feel this is the way forward. Honestly, I am exactly the same person, sober or drunk.. I just dance more after a drink.

I am wearing a silk sleeveless cowl neck from Top Shop, Black JBrand Skinnies, with Mexican Concho belt, with a lace bolero.........

Which is such a Sunflower yellow ......that just before I went out a Bee stung me through the fucking sleeve!!

I Adore My Vintage "Gucci" from Smashingbird

2011-08-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

Gucci AW11 available in four colours

£2080

Those of you who know me well are well aware that in a perfect world, I would have bought the new cane handle Gucci... I have a large hobo style one that is years old and I adore it, but I love the structure of the newer version.

I have been seen lusting and stroking it in Selfridges, whispering "One day you will be mine my precious" ...

I have enjoyed an extremely social week, not that I am complaining, it just means that I have been unable to write, or read many posts. Sunday I did notice however, that my gorgeous fellow blogger Becca Smashingbird had a few new items for sale on her vintage outlet.

This little beauty caught my attention immediately, apart from the fact it is bright red, which is something I am always drawn to. It has the coveted cane handle and the styling is almost identical to the new Gucci AW11, so at £8 I had to take a chance...

It arrived yesterday packaged beautifully, in black tissue paper and lace ribbon, that would rival any Net a Porter wrapping and I adore it. Inside it is even nicer than a Gucci, it has three separate compartments, each with smaller pockets, it is leather lined and in fabulous condition.

The colour is gorgeous these photos do not do it justice, I have also played around with some tassels, just to give it the option of the Gucci styling. These I removed from a pair of Russell and Bromley over the knee boots, that I have had for years. Now I keep adding them to belts and bags when I feel like funking things up a little.

£8 1960's Vintage Bag from Smashingbird

Its Gucci makeover

I think it looks great both ways, thank you so much Becca xx

My Week Through Instagram

2011-08-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

"Symmetry in Motion"

Nature at its most beautiful

A memorable family day including the dogs,

spent upon this beautiful riverbank

My husbands new toy.. a BBQ

We roasted lamb for the Nana's....It was a great success

My wonderful friend Jules Peters and her lovely family visited.

Mike Peters is the lead singer of "the Alarm" also "Big Country"

We had a mass hair cutting session, before their imminent trip to the USA ...

I baked chocolate cake..

I find all kids love chocolate cake...

The four boys played football, Xbox

and watched "Lord of the Rings"

I promise I am not totally promoting "The Alarm"..

but, the new ladies fit T shirts are great!!

Available from www.thealarm.com

We had our own protest session ..

"Protesting against the lawless protesters"

We decided this would be our solution..

Let him loose on them

I went for a walk...

these buggers chased me ... and sacred the life out of me

This tiny pup protected me..

but needed a bath afterwards

Another family visited us for the day,

we cracked open a bottle or three.....

.........they had little girls,

something very rare and completely new for us.

We all decided they are very cute

I am now chilling and enjoying some of the nicest Lilies...

The house smells divine

Wordless Wednesday .. Dustin Clare

2011-08-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

Dustin Clare

A rather gorgeous Australian actor

Famous as "Gannicus"

in the series Spartacus: Gods of The Arena

UK Anarchy...Protesting ? ..

2011-08-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

Just an excuse for lawlessness

Why now?

What is going to happen, when our economy has to be seriously addressed?

Now that scares me

Gone Fishing....A Lazy Day At The River

2011-08-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a lovely day, the sun was shining and the air was sweet. We took the boys Salmon fishing, of course I had to bring the dogs along, which in hindsight may not have been such a great idea, as they were desperate to get into the river and I had to tie them to the tow bar. Although, when we had finished the serious attempts at catching something, they did have a lot of fun.

The water was so low, due to the lack of rain, during this marvellous spell of good weather, so there were few fish. I think we only saw one jump, and that was when it was irritated by a spinner. The boys fished hard for a couple of hours, whilst I read my book in the sunshine... which was heavenly.

My eldest son was the first to throw in the towel and decided to watch a film on his iphone. My youngest son decided he was going to endeavour to retrieve some lost flies, they had snagged in the branches, of the over hanging trees. Just like the dogs, he is a real water baby. I decided to make this little video, just to capture the mood of our truly wonderful time, as day's like these are precious.

\

I hope you enjoy it, I think, like all youtube videos, it is best viewed at full screen and the music is a very old song, which I love, The Alan Parsons Project "Time"

My Week In Pictures Through Instagram

2011-08-05T00:57:00.000-07:00

The weather has been glorious

So, I have indulged in a lot of open top driving

I had a purple pedicure ... for a change

Caught my husband's bare arse on security camera

........Giggle

We had drinks with friends

They cooked for us

The men pondered about life....

Whilst the girls drank Pimms

The kids ate chocolate cake....

...and the girls drank more Pimms......

Husband nearly bought a Donkey ...

but bought Peacocks instead

A lot of dining Al Fresco....

....With honoured guest

The men continued to play with toys....

...Sorry, continued working on the building

The Hens had a party...

I met a new insect ...It is a Wood Wasp..

Scared the fuck out of me.....

Finally, the long awaited September Issue arrived...

So I took it to bed with a cup of tea ....

Burberry I Have to Say.. You Must Be Taking the Piss

2011-08-04T00:26:00.000-07:00

AW11/12 Burberry Prorsum

I have been devouring the September issues, like any fashion lover. Personally I love the AW collections, I always have and in the past few years the one I have been admiring most, seems to be Burberry Prorsum. I adore the fall colours and the military cuts, this year I am in awe of the handbags.

When I saw this little beauty above, my pulse quickened, in my humble opinion, it is stunning, the perfect bag. So I quickly opened the Burberry website to get a price, knowing it would be pricey, yet never imagining just quite how expensive.....

£18, 000.00........

I repeat £18,000.00 ... Shocking. So much so, I had to check three times. Who, in this time of deep recession, even depression, that is sweeping across the world, would purchase such an item?

No doubt it will be adorning the arm of some celebrity soon, who will of course, have been gifted it. I know it is Alligator.. but please.

However below, are some other lovely examples from this collection and at more reasonable, although still designer prices.

Burberry Prorsum £1, 295.00

Burberry I still love your stuff .. Just cant afford you xx

Almost... Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

Meet Austin...

Austin Victoria

Image's courtesy of LA Models

22 and Sagittarius

Hello there young man...

Me sexist.. not at all

Mother Agency:
LA MODELS

NY:
MAJOR MODEL MANAGEMENT

Milan:
I LOVE MODELS MANAGEMENT

Germany:
LOUISA MODELS MUNICH

Spain:
TRAFFIC MODELS

Maxfactor I Love You....But Your Packaging Can Be Dangerous

2011-08-02T02:36:00.000-07:00

Masterpiece Gold

I don't normally like to make a negative post.. but, seriously I have to complain about the over zealous security packaging on Maxfactor products.

I am a huge fan of their mascara, not because it is cheaper than others, even though I have to say it is remarkably reasonable in price. No the reason I buy it is, simply it is the best for me.

Faslelash Effect

Previously having worked in cosmetics, I have tried most brands, from Chanel to Maybelline and I have decided Max Factor is the one..

I love the Falselash effect version, for a more natural daytime look and the Masterpiece Gold for a more dramatic look. It never clumps or flakes and so many people always ask me what brand I use.

Lip Tint

Recently I have also become a fan of their lip stain pen, I am not a great lipstick fan, I tend to just use lip balm or gloss. Sometimes though this can leave me looking a little washed out. Yet I find with my colouring lipstick, can be too much, especially as I tend to make up my eyes in a smokey fashion. This however, just gives a little natural colour enhancing, to what you already have. My only issue with this product is, they need replacing often, maybe they need to be more airtight.

So back to the security packaging...

This morning before opening

The plastic seal on the Falselash Effect mascara is so tight and strong, that it is quite impossible to open with bare hands, you need a knife or sharp scissors and if you slip...
Well you are fucked!
The Lip stain does have perforations, but you need something to help or your tear your nails, so you are back to the sharp implement.

The results...

Deep cut....

Breakfast for Vampires....

Monday Lust

2011-08-01T04:37:00.000-07:00

Etoile Isabel Marant

at Net a Porter

My husband believes the only time I am truly happy, is when I am shopping..

He may have a point, I have just spotted these cute little pants by Isabel Marant, which would be perfect with my... and my....

Shame I have to prove a point and pass on them this time.

Sympathy For The Pathetic....

2011-07-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

I dont feel well...
I hate feeling ill too, I haven't got time for it....

Sad Face

I have not felt well for days, it started with a stiff neck and sore eyes and then just feeling really sick.. and today, I feel like I am getting the flu, although I am sure I am just being dramatic.

The thought of coffee makes me sick, and I don't even feel like a vodka.. things must be serious...

.... not even the prospect of my new winter boots could cheer me up... Although I am sure they will, once I start to feel like my self again.

My best friend

I am soldiering on though, like a good mum. I have been on taxi duty today and have completed lots of baking. We are off to a family BBQ, I am so looking forward to it too, as this is a family that we have not spent time with for ages, yet we used to be very close, even holiday together. It is one of those rare relationships, were the men get along too and the kids are of similar ages.

Good friends are important, I will be there, whatever and besides there is no party without a cake....

Mrs "J"'s famous chocolate cake

Recipe family secret ...sorry

Oops and the outtakes ....

A Glimpse Of My Week...Through Instagram

2011-07-28T10:08:00.000-07:00

Watching Harry Potter..In the Royal Cinema

Will and Kate were there this week, watching" Bridesmaids"

Denbigh Castle

My babies eye

My baby .. again, as always at my feet

My other baby... earning some pocket money

The view from my seat

The Visitor to my boudoir

..and its not Eric( True Blood)

Birthday Lilies

Vodka time

More Events From The Wildlife Camera

2011-07-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

Guinea Fowl

"Mother you have over done the rouge"

As you enjoyed yesterday's post so much .. I thought I would share this little incident with you...

You see the fucking camera see's everything..

I thought it had been moved .. yes an inch to the right..

Anyhow, we were expecting the arrival of some new Guinea Fowl, that the Director had gone to fetch, and which I think look like old ladies with too much make up on. I was helping my son prepare the pen and fill the water, and disaster struck, I remember thinking, thank god that the camera has been moved, as I behaved like a big baby. I will now let the photos show you what happened next....

My 13 year old carrying heavy water.. I go to help

( after I put my phone away)

The actual incident happened out of view..

but I am now screaming...loudly

My finger had been trapped in the water holder

"What the fuck mum..?"

Big hug...ahhhh

Still crying...

I am wearing Rick Owens jeans with old favourite T-shirt

Scarf Abercrombie, boots R-Soles .. again..

...and still moaning... woos

An hour and a half later.....

Large Vodka and sanity returned surveying new birds..

The new flock.. along with deadly water contraption

The Director.. who knew all is being filmed..

Guilty ...

I wonder what will we will catch next.. I hope its some real wildlife.

Smile..The Awkward Moment When You Are Caught On Camera

2011-07-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

Totally oblivious to the camouflaged lens

My husband has a new toy, its a wildlife camera. He is interested in viewing, which forms of vermin visit us at night, whilst we sleep and during the day, when we are not watching.

I took about as much interest in it, as I would an invite to any soap opera.. zero.
That was until we took the microchip out of the camera, I had no idea where he had placed this camera. It was one of those conversations, when one speaks and the other pretends to listen..
We have a lot of those when it comes to guns, and vermin...
It appears that the only vermin he has managed to capture is the Wildernesschic ..

It did make me laugh though and as I am a huge fan of fashion blogs, especially the ones, where people share their own style and how they have put outfits together, I thought here was an opportunity, far to good to miss. A chance to share with you a few genuine days of my life and my wardrobe, warts an all .. so to speak

Wildernesschic

Feeding my little French Hens

Shirt cream silk dinner shirt DKNY

Scarf Allsaints

Jeans Seven for all mankind

Boots R-Soles

Strange random wildman...

putting hens to bed

Wildnernesschic ..

Straight out of bed.. texting by the look of it...

waterproof ski jacket, track pants & wellies

Yup defo texting

........note legs in concentration position

Wildernesschic

Belt silver and turquoise Mexican Concho...

Boots R-Soles

Jeans wax coated JBrand Agness in Mocha

T shirt Allsaints skull print..

Wildnernesschic carrying the damn dog ..

as going out for dinner and she would not come in

Jeans as earlier...T shirt Allsaints..

Scarf Jimmy Choo tiger print

Caught putting hens to bed...

same clothes

No, its not Katie Price ..

Its me in me Juicy's and Wellies

Chanel sunglasses .. always glamour

even before breakfast

Wildernesschic's builders arse...

Notice the black lab in the background

watching on, whilst she has a poop

Wildernesschic feeding hens .. again..

Hat Models own..giggle.. mens

JBrand black skinnies..

Red and black distressed Tshirt America Retro

Boots Vintage R-Soles

Yup you dumb shumuck you are on Candid Camera..

Next time, strike a pose babe!

The Cool Side Of The Pillow...A Short story

2011-07-24T01:17:00.000-07:00

It is just another one of those slow days ..

All is heavy, my head, my body, even the air that I am breathing, feels thick and hot. Sun shines between the tiniest gap in the heavy brocade curtains, illuminating the dust particles, which spin slowly, float silently and then fall ever so gently to the floor.

Dust to dust...

It’s the kind of day in which normal people are rejoicing, tweeting upon devices, saying that "The sun is shining and all is well with the world" it never fails to delight and unite the nation. It is wonderful just how happy the sun makes people feel. It warms our bones and refills the energy cells. People smile and are pleasant to each other, they perform random acts of kindness and wear their prettiest clothes...

Here though..

Here inside, peeping behind the brocade, lying in the dark, the act of moving ones body out of this bed, to take part in the mass worship of this beautiful day, was just impossible.

Even the effort of lifting the head, sufficient enough to see this spectacular blue sky, the creator of this great enthusiasm and happiness for others, was exhausting and disappointing. There was no desire to move from this place, not even a stirring...

I turn the the pillow over, and lay down my head...

This is the sweetest sensation, its coolness almost soothes the numbness of my inner pain. Yet, this cooling comfort is bitter sweet, as I stretch out across the cold cotton sheets, across to your place. That place, the place you have lain for more years than you have not. Its coolness emphasises its emptiness, loneliness.

It reconfirms my nightmare, it is indeed a fact...

You are no longer here..

You have gone and this time, will not be coming back.

Two weeks have passed..

Its dawn and I am sitting in the kitchen nursing a coffee, something I seem to be making a habit of. At this time of day the world seems eerily silent, yet so beautiful, the sun has risen and I feel for the first time, in what seems like forever, the urge to greet it. The door bolted, heavy and unyielding, is like a tall jailor, yet surprisingly is easy to release. I remove the chain, open the door and take the first steps out of this gilded cage.

This will be the first time I have smelt fresh air, since......

Since you left.....

There is nothing quite as lovely as the world at dawn, I remove my slippers and walk out onto dew soaked grass, it must have been a cold night the frosty petals surrounding me are glittering, the morning light holds a gentle magnificence. The air smells sweet and the chorus has begun, how different life can feel when out doors. My feet and ankles begin to feel cold from the damp grass, but I welcome this sensation, feelings are new to me, I am existing in a world of numbness.

Symmetry, once always so important to me.

The perfect square of green lawn, with mirrored boarders running along each edge, all lay ahead, although overgrown and in need of attention, weeds do not grow where you want them to. For the first time, this did not worry me. There was no desperate feelings of anxiety to put it right, my inner voice was telling me to “Let it be, just let everything go.”

I begin to walk across the lawn towards our..

..my sheltered area.

It’s a tiny corner, secluded by a large conifer hedge, this is the place where we would sit and drink on a sunny evening. All major decisions seem to have been made here, long discussions late into the evening, it’s a place that never seemed to get cold.

Today though just walking towards it, I begin to shake, bile has risen to my throat , I feel dizzy and I cannot take another step. Lack of food, cold air, whatever, I was not going to sit there today.

I was going back .. back to my self imposed prison.

My haven, everywhere is spotless, there is nothing amiss, no stains or spills, not a cup out of place, nor a grain of salt to wipe away. The overflowing piles of junk mail mixed with bills and bank statements have disappeared, there are no empty boxes, or dead batteries. There are no nails that needed to be saved for another day, there are no random shoes, nor half full glasses of wine left overnight. No, all traces of disorder have vanished...

Just like you

Fifteen days, the sad memorable face of Sinead O'Connor, singing her heart out, is haunting my thoughts. It is a song, that in the past, bored me. I remember being startled by the gorgeous face and huge sad eyes, of this Irish beauty lamenting her lost love, yet the song itself left me cold. The words were then irrelevant to me and the tune was dull. Yet today it had taken on a new meaning..

"Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want...."

Such wonderful lyrics

Two weeks previously

I scanned my home with a warm feeling of contentment, it was looking beautiful, sharing our home and entertaining gave me great joy. I had spent the day preparing, plumping up cushions, polishing surfaces and lighting scented candles. Together we had strewn fairy lights through the hedge and around the sheltered area in which we dug a fire pit, as the evenings were yet still cold. We stood back and admired the light, it was magical, like hundreds of baby stars twinkling and together with the glow of the fire, heavenly. I was so exited about tonight, it was my first attempt at matchmaking.

"Stop interfering, If people want to have a relationship, they will find their own partners" you had moaned to me..

Yet, I knew just how lonely my friends were. John a recently divorced male friend and Jane a widow, both were extremely good fun, attractive and fed up of spending every weekend alone...

Although, things did not go quite according to plan...

They began to go wrong at exactly 8:05pm when John phoned to say that he was sorry but he was running extremely late and it was very possible, he may not make it at all, so not to wait for him. John, a country vet, was unfortunately on call that weekend, there was nothing he could do. I was so disappointed, I had desperately wanted them to meet and Jane was already here.
Although she seemed to take it well, in fact she appeared almost relieved, even though I hated to admit it I considered that maybe you were right, maybe she didn't want to meet anybody else just yet. She decided to drink after all and asked me if it would be ok if she stayed the night, something she often did when we went out together.

You opened the champagne and walked her into the garden, to show her the fairy lights, whilst I went to prepare the spare room, it was then through the bathroom window I saw you in the dark,

together.

I hadn’t bothered to put the light on, I was only reaching in to grab a hand towel, but something distracted me. I had just glanced out for a second, it was one of those moments when you need to look twice, not quite believing the messages your eyes were transmitting to the brain. A cold fist reached in through my breastbone and squeezed my heart tight. Jane had lifted her hand and was running it through your hair, she stroked your hair.....

I thought that was an odd thing for her to do..

Next, she threw back her head and laughed, teeth flashed, white and even, hair shinning in the moonlight, glossy and black, it fell down to the centre of her back in waves, she was wearing her red silk wrap dress. I was with her when she bought it.
I remember remarking at the time.. "Such a sexy dress.."

You bent down kissing her softly on her lips and then along her neck, your hands now on her hips...In that way...

In the way you hold me, thumbs upon my hip bones, fingers resting on the buttocks...

She began to kiss you back, passionately, her breasts pressing against you. Her dress falling open, exposing her long, tanned limbs, adorned in matching silk underwear, she always wore silk underwear..

My best friend...

Your hand..

Your hand moved slowly upwards, tenderly caressing her thigh, taught and muscular, she had great legs..

My best friend...

I watched as you stroked the soft, silky fabric of her pants, your long fingers teasing and tantalizing her, back and forth, so gently you were stroking her.

I knew this because, I know your touch so well, she lifted her leg and wrapped it around you. Then pushing aside the flimsy fabric you slipped your fingers underneath and inside ....

Inside, my best friend..

I fell silent inside, not daring to breathe, frozen, I could do nothing only stare in disbelief. I know now that I was in shock, I felt so calm, too calm. I knew that I should run out there, scream at you and make you stop, but, I didn’t ..

I just stood there, wide eyed, in a form of masochistic trance my emotions somewhere between arousal ...and repulsion.

Her was head thrown back, eyes closed, lips parted and moist, her back had arched, throwing her hips forward, crushing her body into yours. Your fingers were still inside her and your head now between her breasts. Sucking, kissing licking, breathing her in, her essence, her softness...

She had never looked so beautiful

You were devouring her .........and she was loving it!

My best friend....

It was then, that I knew, exactly, what I was going to do ...........

A calmness like no other, crept slowly through my body, making me so sure, convinced, full of self assurance, more than I have ever experienced before. Considering my heart was pumping with such ferocity that it rocked my body to the core. I was totally in control, I knew exactly what I was doing. It must have been the ice flowing through my veins, cooling me, steadying my hands ..

Telling me what to do

Beautifully carved silver, Spanish in style, with such a fabulously polished, deeply coloured walnut stock. An over and under, so easy to use, you just point and shoot...

I am talking about your Beretta shotgun left abandoned, stood beside the cupboard in the hall... right next to where I stood.

So many times I have asked you to lock it away, but like everything else ..“Yea, later."

Twelve steps it took me to walk outside, locked and loaded, armed with my twelve bore. Just carrying it, filled me with the sensation of immense power, for once I was totally in control...

I actually had only intended to fire a warning shot, I wanted to scare you, to make you stop.

I wanted you to drop her.. to leave her be.

Part of me also wanted to walk outside, to find that you were already finished with her.. Just so that I could pretend, nothing had happened and everything could return to normal..

Sadly it did not happen like that.....

You were still fucking her with your fingers ..

She, my best friend, was still moaning in ecstasy and continuing to encourage you, it was just too much ..

I fired.....

The blast virtually removed her beautiful face, and not in a metaphoric way. It certainly tore that fabulous hair from her head, her scalp was now hanging ghoulishly, dangling toward her feet, the fountain of blood blending into the red silk.

Just one cartridge and her head had virtually left her body, her blood was everywhere, chunks of skull, flesh and brain..

Once again, even in death she was all over you ...

My best friend

It was only seconds, yet I saw you shocked, dumbstruck, eyes filled with fear, silently pleading to me, as I lifted the barrel and took my aim...

I was a good shot and you knew it, you had seen to that teaching me to shoot targets and clays
"It was something we could do together, a mutual hobby."

I fired the second cartridge, point and shoot, I aimed for the heart .. and tore you apart.....

Just like you had me

Guts spilled out upon my neatly manicured lawn, my carefully planted white garden that glowed in the evening light, now splattered with red. Even in the dark I could see the pure white rhododendron was now marbled, the carefully strewn fairy lights were glowing pink and there was a dark stain spreading across the lawn. It was like a scene from the worst horror movie, only there was no point in hiding, as the bad guy, was me.

At this point, I think the brain switched off, you know the non psychotic brain, the place in your mind that this carnage would normally totally freak you out. I just stood there surveying you both totally detached from the situation. I noticed that Jane had perfectly manicured nails, she had obviously planned her outfit well as the red was the same colour exactly as the silk, yet the silk was now much darker ....

You looked pathetic, broken and twisted up, covered in blood and insides of both of you covering your shirt ..
You still had a beautiful face though, I was glad that I didn’t shoot you in the face, unlike Jane, who was really a mess.

I bent down and picked up the spent cartridge, I loved the smell of cordite, it conjured up memories of frosty mornings, when your breath was visible and the cold air made your nose tingle. The frosty grass that crunched under feet and trees that looked like flames with warm, wet, panting spaniels at my feet...
Happier times.

I have seen so many episodes of CSI and Dexter to know that I would never get away with this, that soon someone will miss you and come looking for you .. or Jane..

But, I had now, I had the time until they do ...

I dragged you first as you were the heaviest and dropped your corpse into the fire pit face up. After dragging you, Jane was a breeze, the only problem I had was her hair and scalp, well most of her head came away and I had to place that into the fire pit separately. I laid Jane on top of you in a kind of peace offering, you would be together in death..

I knew where to find your petrol cans, left strewn as always behind the hedge....

I grabbed one and poured on the entire contents, over you both, the fire pit was still smouldering but I wanted a more dramatic finale, so I lit a match and dropped it in.

Strolling over to the small bistro table, where earlier that evening we had intended to have our pre dinner drinks. I picked up your glass of champagne, which was still cold and sat down.

I could feel the heat, as you exploded into flames, and watched as your face blistered, then turned black as you melted into one another.. I toasted you...
Ashes to ashes.. Dust to dust

I decided to post this in its entirety instead of posting back links.. I hope that you enjoy it xx

Fabulous French Fashion 70% Off "Vionnet" At The Outnet

2011-07-19T02:58:00.000-07:00

Goodness I am just loving this label that has just arrived at The Outnet...

I had not heard of it before .. God I am so mainstream

If you are going somewhere wonderful and want to get something a little different, take a look at this Parisian label Vionnet...

These are my favourites from what is on offer at the moment there is 70% off

I would just like to say I do not make any money from recommendations, this is just something I have seen and want to share.

Staying Young The Spiritual Way

2011-07-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

A Spiritual anti ageing tip for Sunday..

Sex keeps you young
.....and just incase you need any inspiration....

The lovely Colin Farrell

It may not be possible to reverse the ageing process, but you can certainly have fun trying

"Call Girl" Shoes Lover

2011-07-16T03:32:00.000-07:00

I think I am a tart, in a shoe lust fashion way.

Currently, I keep finding myself reading articles and fashion blogs about, incredibly expensive beautiful ballerina flats, classy kitten heels and wearable Louboutins...
Yet I find myself asking ....

"Who the fuck wants wearable, practical Louboutins?"

Surely, the beauty and the desirability of these shoes, is the pure fact that they are decedent, sexy and totally non practical.

The Fabulous Christian Louboutin
at Selfridges

Yes I know, here I am the "Pound per wear " spokes queen. I love to think that I shop wisely, spending more on investment pieces like a good jacket, a little black dress, or on my every day essentials. Which in my case consist of great jeans and my own signature style, cowboy or biker boots.

I do think that, on the most part I achieve this. I have already started shopping for this winter, in the sales. My purchases being, mainly cashmere sweaters. I adore cashmere, there is nothing as soft and durable and I love the thinner varieties that are
available in summer, I can layer them up in winter and still use them in the warmer weather. Plus, being of good quality they last year after year.

When it comes to shoes though.......
I am weak.

Jimmy Choo sale... 6 inches of pure sex appeal

Practicality vale zero

As soon as I enter, the London Selfridges store, I always enjoy a meander, first through cosmetics and the handbag department, glancing with polite interest, as although I do love everything there, non of it is what lights my fire. After a quick circuit complete, it is onto the escalator going up for me. Up and up to the promised land of
"The Shoe Galleries"...
As soon as I alight, my step quickens to keep tempo with my increasing pulse, my mouth is dry and I find it difficult to keep my eyes from darting in every direction.

However, the items that catch my eye, are always non practical, usually soft suede or some precious leather, with towering heels and high platforms... and not ever, no matter how fashionable or functional, a lower kitten heel.
Seriously if I you going to spend that kind of money on a pair of shoes...
Tell me which would you prefer?

Christian Louboutin

£375 at Net a Porter

We will start with the favourite style of our future queen, although once removed, The Duchess Of Cambridge, who has also apparently become our most current style icon. She has been seen to have a preference for wearing the nude court shoe, as has her mother and sister. All these examples are by Christian Louboutin, although I think the pair worn by Kate Middleton were actually from LKBennett.

Christian Louboutin

£495 at Net a Porter

Christian Louboutin

£475 at Net a Porter

Personally, I would have to buy the second pair. Probably because I adore suede also they are just wonderfully sexy, yet I imagine still extremely wearable due to the platform to heel ratio. Plus there is an almost identical pair to the first ones available on ASOS for about £30.

Then there are the Leopards..
I adore leopard skin shoes and bags. I just adore exotic skins, I own a leopard coat and a jacket, both, by the way are faux.

I think the best way to wear it though, and not look like a Bet Lynch 'wanna be', is one item only at a time. Leopard looks fabulous with all the neutral shades and of course it is wonderful at breaking up an all black outfit, but I adore it most when worn with red.

Christian Louboutin

£545 at Net a Porter

Alexander McQueen

£565 at Net a Porter

So, which ones would you choose here, the Louboutins which are the first pair, or the much sexier version by Alexander McQueen?

For me, there is just no contest and I do own a very similar pair, that again I have had for years. They were bought from Moda en Pelle. Please do not tell McQueen, but I do actually prefer them, as the red of the leather piping and heel is a much brighter colour...

Then finally there is the classic black ballet pump...

Lanvin

£285 at Net a Porter

Now this amazes me, the fact that anybody would pay this much for a pair of flat ballet shoes. I do own a pair that I have had for years, I like them as I can roll them up and put them in my glove compartment or handbag, they are just classic black elasticated, almost identical to this Lanvin pair. I have been asked by certain friends if they are Chanel... giggle.. which is hilarious, they are from Next. I think I paid about £20 for them, I bought them purely for driving home in, I do like little ballet shoes on other girls, I find them very chic, but the thought of spending £285 on a pair is abhorrent.

Jimmy Choo Selfridges

I believe the point I am trying to make, is if you are going to spend that kind of money on shoes, surely they should make you feel like a goddess and not a middle aged nana ......

I do hope I am not offending anyone, this is only my personal point of view xx

The First Day

2011-07-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

Debbie Harry my hero
.......then and now

This was a route I had travelled many times, the seven stops to Liverpool, although this was the first time on the early commuter train. When I arrived at the small station, the platform, which was very crowded, seemed extremely territorial and hostile to a young girl embarking on her first day of adult life. People obviously had their own spot, a place where they stood each morning, nonchalantly waiting for the sound of the approaching train, once it was in sight, every muscle would begin to tense, in readiness to elbow and fight their way for a seat.

There was no "women and children first" rule in this situation, the men were usually the more successful and were sat re-opening their papers within minutes, leaving the women to stand, holding onto the leather loops with one hand. Once recovered from the shock, of being totally knocked out of the way and looking at them, all squashed up in the small hard seating. Fighting for arm room to open their papers, I thought that standing was much the better option.

Looking around I saw the beautiful girls, swaying with the direction of the train, they smelt wonderful, with perfect makeup and immaculate hair, talking and laughing, flashing rows of straight white teeth. They were lighting up cigarettes and holding them seductively between elegant fingers, punctuated by long red nails, I realised from their conversation that they were the cosmetic girls working at George Henry Lee, a John Lewis store and the classiest place in town to shop. I immediately wanted to be like them, they were so beautiful, sophisticated in their uniforms of pencil skirts, with high heels and tailored jackets..

I looked down at the comparison, drain pipe jeans teamed with a blanket poncho, my own legs so thin they were only just filling the fabric that was designed to cling to them. I had always been a little on the skinny side and recently I had grown a couple of inches, although my weight had remained at seven stone, which for a girl of just under 5'7" was painfully thin. I had taken ages about deciding what to wear too, I knew that I was not supposed to wear jeans, but my limited wardrobe did not grant me many options. Under my poncho, I had chosen a mens collarless evening shirt to wear on top and hoped that it would be acceptable, if it wasn’t, I could always just remove the jeans and just wear the shirt.

Well, it was long enough....

Just.

My Haircut"The Spiky Punk"

This morning I had also spent ages back combing and spiking my hair. Now to my annoyance, due to the damp morning air, it had begun to curl. Also the paste diamond, which I had glued to my nose, was beginning to feel loose. I had wanted it pierced, but that was a definite no at home, I was flying close to the wind as it was, my father did not really want me to be a hairdresser. I think he was hoping that should I spend a few weeks, brushing floors and washing hair, for long hours and little money, I may change my mind and go back to school..

Then eventually I could get a proper job, one with an index linked pension, preferably at the Giro.

The train stopped and the doors opened, allowing more people to get on, we all moved up, now grabbing onto whatever was available.. For me there was a handle at the top of a seat, I held on tight. The man below me had the greasiest, dark hair, shot through with grey and speckled with dandruff, this was also sprinkled along the back of his collar, and down the back of his jacket.

It was warm in the train and the stale aroma of smoke and sweat seeped its way up to me, making me nauseous. He looked up and smiled at me, giving me a full view of his yellow-brown teeth. He was wearing a brown pinstripe suit, with a yellow shirt. I couldn’t quite see, but I knew his shirt was dirty and that underneath was an unwashed body. He returned to his paper and with his head bent forward, I could see that I was correct, the back of his collar was filthy..
It took me many years to find a man in a suit attractive after that.

Beginning to feel nervous now, one more stop and we would be there. Everybody was chattering away, all knew where they were going and what to expect from their day ahead. I on the other hand, was uncertain, this was my first day, in my very first job. I had previously worked only one Saturday just for a couple of hours, so I could get to know the layout and what was to be expected of me. For this I had earned the grand total of £3.50. Should I remain in the job, I was to earn £12.50 per week, increasing ever so slowly until you were qualified.

It was little wonder that my father had concerns.

With jolt we were there and with the same determination used for embarking the train, people stood and pushed their way forwards creating a bottle neck in the corridor. I was crushed and rather frightened at this stage, although I was sure I could get used to it, as they carried me along in their flow. At least we were all going in the same direction, which was off the train and into the city. It was with great relief, I embraced the diesel fumes of the rather grand station and followed the clicking heels towards the guard and the daylight, that shone behind him.

Exchange Station Liverpool

I knew the way to the salon by heart, it was where I had my hair cut and currently the best in town. I was very proud of the fact that they had offered to give me a trial, after all I had skipped school for months and had flunked all my exams, due to total lack of interest.

I wanted to be a grown up, school was just so .. yesterday.

The minute I had entered the place, I knew that I wanted to work there. I wanted to be one of the edgy staff, the glamorous, androgynous people, that I would see hanging out on a Friday night in Kirklands..

I knew they could make me look like Debbie Harry..

I knew that this was where I belonged, with the music, mirrors and pretty people. Within no time, I was stood outside the glass doors and without hesitation I walked in....

Peter Collinge Liverpool

**************************************************

Todays post was inspired by my eldest boy. He is taking part in his first work experience this week. To see him setting off wearing his skinny black jeans and shirt, shaved and smelling of Abercrombie and Fitch. I very suddenly became aware, that he will soon be making his own life in the world. His own observations about adults and the environment we all exist in.

Unlike me he intends to continue his education, to go to University to read Law, which is his decision and not my ambition...

I hope he achieves it.. but more than that, I hope he finds his niche in life...

Just as easily, as I found mine.

Hello...Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me...

2011-07-11T00:03:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in the dark waiting for dawn, listening to the the motor of the refrigerator, I ask my self this question.
Do we choose to write, or does the desire to write choose us?

I guess for each of us the answer is different. Writing for me, is a narrative running through my daily life, accompanying my desires and the mundane. A life long friend, as for its importance to others, I seriously doubt that it has any.

I am just as dust, a tiny insignificant spec, floating in a world filled with beautiful words. I am not a person of imense talent of fame.

I have no great story to tell, nor do I have a life filled with famous people, or a job that takes me to wonderful places. I have no particular hobbies, apart from making things look pretty. I have always been an artist of sorts, whether it be makeup, hair, photography or even interiors.

When I would be shopping for an interior, either my home or the business, I would often return to my trolley (which I would always left abandoned, whilst I went to grab something else) and find people rummaging through it. When challenging these people, explaining that the items were my intended purchases, they would reply that they thought it was a display. I guess I should be flattered, I do seem to have a good eye for what looks good together loving to mix old with new.

I think its the same artistic bone that encourages me to write.

Blogging, I adored........
Adore

Although I found it was sometimes greeted with derision, as the non qualified space for the "wanna be" journalist, be it fashion, music or gossip.. Notorious for its sexy blogs, the tales of the secret call girls.

Admittedly blogging is not going to make you any money, but in my case, it did make me a lot of great friends. Fun people with similar interests from all different corners of the world. There are the style bloggers, who post photos of their own style, or homes, I adore these blogs especially as I am passionate about clothes and style. I love to see how other people put it altogether.

There are also blogs from people with a story to tell, life experiences that they wish to share, some are about happiness and children, others about unfathomable abuse suffered at the hand of another human being. I always preferred that later, being a previously silent victim. I found it incredibly comforting to read that there were others.... with a much worse story to tell.

Incredibly, the uninformed see this hobby as a time waster, I believe it to be because they have yet to find a blog they enjoy. Most of us read books and magazines, of course not all blogs are grammatically correct, nor are they ground breaking, but they interest me, as they are the inner thoughts, the style and the journey of the writer. Which I personally find far more interesting than a themed article that a talented writer has been paid to endorse.

This is my fiends new album.. which I am not being paid to endorse.. I just love him and his music

I have been bobbing around in the blog wasteland for ages, far too long, the Ether is infinite. Those of you who regularly enjoyed my blog, will already know my story, as to why I stopped writing, but incase you would like an insight it is documented here Entry one.

Sadly I deleted all my old posts, so there is no history here anymore, but maybe a fresh start will be a good one..
The Ruby Tuesday blog was refreshing for a while, the chance to be able to continue to write, albeit under a different name.
I believe I will feel more at home here.....

So I am returning to my original space..

Where I can indulge in my wish-lists, my stories of every day life here in the wilds of Wales.

My dogs and chickens ...my family request that they be excused, well they are too cool now that they are in their teens

Wednesdays there will be the odd gorgeous male that has caught my eye..

I hope to continue to document the process of aging an how it makes a “Woman of a certain age feel” ...

Hopefully proving that the" Punk Rock Chic" .. does not have to wear polyester unless it is black and ripped.. but warning it can make you sweat...

I miss sharing my fashion

I do not know how often I will post, as the real world is so busy for me at the moment and there are those who demand my every attention and rightly so. I do know though that it will be as often as I am able to.

Again past readers and friends will know that we started the major building project two summers ago, well this is still on going, although I am thrilled to say looking great.

I will be posting photos.....yes more, incase you just like to skim read